Reggie Bush, Kim Kardashian and Her Big Boobs are House Hunting

November 5, 2009

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In more news that is sure to annoy you more than inform you, Kim Kardashian and her giant breasts are house-hunting along with their boyfriend Reggie Bush, who tries to play football for the New Orleans Saints.

Inside sources tell me they are looking for a place that will match their collective talents, restricting their search to Compton, Harlem, Topeka Kansas and Afghanistan.


Save the Whales!

November 5, 2009

1257428506_carey-beach-290Mariah Carey doesn’t like being called fat, so I hope she doesn’t stumble across this website and notice that I just called her a beached whale. 

I have a feeling she won’t.  Computers are nearly impossible to use when you are fully submerged in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.


Please Crash!

November 4, 2009

 

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Sometimes I post stories so non-newsworthy that people wonder why I’m doing it.  I’ll tell you why.  It’s usually because I either think the non-news story contains a girl who’s hotness is worthy of getting a post, or it’s because I post something so annoying I just feel a need to make fun of it.

This is one of those things I just have to make fun of.  People Magazine so bravely reports:

the British-born actor says of his costar, “She’s a unique girl. You really don’t meet many people like Kristen.”

Oh screw off you British tool.  Go buy a comb while you are at it ya goddamned hippie.  This girl is only unique in the fact that she possesses the personality of a lebodomized goat and she always looks stoned. 

I really hope that motorcycle from the picture above is a) moving at 70 mph there and b) headed for a concrete wall with spikes in it. 

These two idiots must be stopped.


No News Here, Just One Hot Chick

November 4, 2009

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As evidenced by this picture, Brooklyn Decker  is incredibly gorgeous.  We’re talkin’ huge cans, a beatiful face, long blonde hair and a wonderful fiance.  JUST KIDDING SHE’S ENGAGED TO MOTHERFUCKING ANDY RODDICK PROVING THAT NOTHING IS FAIR IN THIS WORLD EVER. EVER!!

Hopefully she divorces this balding, underachiever tennis (YES TENNIS!) player for a tall, handsome WordPress blogger who creepily types about her big tits and pretty hair from afar.  

See, clearly no real news about her.  If you want news on this girl, try and find some.  I dare you.  BREAKING NEWS: Brooklyn Decker Hot.  Still. 

That’s about all you’ll find, son.  


Dammit, It’s Halloween. Where are all the Sluts?

November 3, 2009
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Fucking Lame.

So some celebrities dressed up for Halloween. Wow.  Big fuckin’ deal.  Not one of these idiots dressed up like a hot slut, so frankly I’m pissed and not quite sure why I’m even linking it. 

What is it with celebrities having such shitty, uninventive costumes, anyway?  I’ve seen more intricate and thoughtful designs put together in Alabama, and they don’t even possess sewing kits, let alone imaginations.

Now, here’s my idea what every able-bodied girl should dress like on Halloween:

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Very Nice, Minus the "I'm Pooping Myself" Facial Expression


I Hate Finding this Woman Attractive

November 2, 2009

Annoying, yet attractive

Kim Kardashian is annoying, but she’s also hot.  Meaning:  That’s a hate-fuckin.


Sloth is that You??

November 2, 2009

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Sloth from “The Goonies” dressed up as Lady Gaga for Halloween, which in turn made everyone at the party who witnessed this with their own eyes to simultaneously vomit, pass out and die.

Editor’s Note:  Upon further review, this is actually Perez Hilton and not Sloth from “The Goonies.”  Apologies.