Jessica Alba Dressed Up…As Something

November 2, 2009

but most importantly she bent over and we got to see her ass.
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Jessica Alba dressed up as something, and it’s clearly retarded, but at least she bent over in her car and revealed to us her ass.  Because if she didn’t, her Halloween costume would have gone unnoticed by my site.

More pictures here, at CelebSlam:

Anyone know what the hell she is?

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If Anyone Knows Sexy, It’s Marissa Miller

October 30, 2009
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Sexy (left) and Rose (right)

So I’ll go ahead and take her word for it after awarding Bulls guard Derrick Rose with the title of being one of Chicago’s sexiest athletes.

Sure, whatever, Derrick Rose is sexy.  I don’t care.  I personally like Derrick Rose as a player so good for him.  He got to meet Marissa Miller, which is something I only do at 1 a.m. when I’m drunk surfing google images (safesearch: Off.)  I’m just glad that Jar Jar Binks lookin’ idiot Joakim Noah didn’t get this award. 

Now for some more Marissa Miller.

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How to Describe “Mediocrity,” In a Picture

October 29, 2009

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No story here, just your average Hollywood whore thinking she’s the bee’s knees.

Honestly, I just wanted to say “she’s the bee’s knees.”  That was the purpose of this post.


Hurray! An Excuse to Post Something On Minka Kelly

October 29, 2009
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Honk Honk!

So Minka Kelly’s best friend is Derek Jeter, they totally AREN’T banging or anything, because she wants to bang me really really bad and would never do anything to jeopardize that.  She did, however, show up to Derek’s World Series game in support of her totally platonic pal.  Yep, just friends.

Oh, and that washed up squinty-eyed whore Kate Hudson was there too.  She’s givin’ out handjobs to Yankees like it’s going out of style.

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"This is my handjob face!"


My God is this Gay

October 29, 2009

cohn lambertSo this is what Mindy Cohn from “Facts of Life” has been up to!! 

Settle down…settle down…I know that joke was truly hilarious, but please calm down and keep reading. 

In all seriousness, this is the new album cover for Adam Lambert if you haven’t seen it yet.  It’s overtly “glammed up” (hate that phrase) because Lambert truly appreciates the era of Rock N Roll when—oh, fuck it.  It’s glammed up because he’s incredibly gay. 

 


Hulk Hogan Signs with Tits ‘N Ass Rasslin’

October 28, 2009

hogan tnaThe Hulkster himself, he who recently released a book saying he nearly committed suicide after an impending divorce with his wife, has decided to settle with career suicide instead by signing with TNA Wrestling:

Just kidding about the career suicide.  That already happened when he spray-painted his face black but left the mustache blonde on WCW in the 90’s. 

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Raw Intimidation, Brother!

 


Jessica Simpson is a Leper

October 28, 2009
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Oh My God what the Hell is That?

 Well, that’s what I first thought when I saw that thing she got on her hand:

Her spokesperson said: ‘The intricate mehendi designs are typically Indian, and made with a turmeric paste.

‘They’re worn at wedding ceremonies, and are supposed to bring good luck to eligible single women in India.

‘It’s a big style statement too. The really intricate designs take hours to apply by hand using just a brush, the artists are very skilled.’ 

Oh, so it’s not permanent…phew.  I was about to scratch off “getting a lefty handjob from Jessica Simpson” from my “Things to do Before I Die” list.  

Don’t think for a minute Simpson is showing intelligence and respect for Indian culture by getting this on her hand.  The tattoo is supposed to “bring good luck to eligible single women,”  so this really just reveals she’s a superstitious, lonely, almost thirty moron from Texas.