Reggie Bush, Kim Kardashian and Her Big Boobs are House Hunting

November 5, 2009

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In more news that is sure to annoy you more than inform you, Kim Kardashian and her giant breasts are house-hunting along with their boyfriend Reggie Bush, who tries to play football for the New Orleans Saints.

Inside sources tell me they are looking for a place that will match their collective talents, restricting their search to Compton, Harlem, Topeka Kansas and Afghanistan.


NCAA Football: Week 10 Happenings

November 5, 2009
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Michael Floyd is back in time for the Navy game

College Football’s Week 10 is approaching, so here are a few things to watch for:

1) Terrell Pryor takes on Penn State, at Penn State. Yawn.

2) Michael Floyd (above) has been cleared to play against Navy after sitting out with a broken collarbone suffered in Week 3 against Michigan State. Watch this guy play, he might actually be better than Golden Tate.  Probably won’t do to much in his first week back though, as (7-1) Pitt looms next on the schedule.

3) Brandon “Prison Rules” Spikes will sit out the entire game against lowly Vanderbilt this week, assumingly to have some time to whittle a shiv out of a toothbrush in preparation for the SEC championship game against Alabama.  Somebody’s gettin’ shanked!

SpikesBrandon

"Anything goes!"


Aw Crap, The Yankees Won

November 5, 2009

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The Yankees phinally phinished oph the Phillies last night, much to the dismay of the entire world’s population, except for those few with “Pompadour” hairstyles.


Really Old Guys To Star In World Series Game 6

November 4, 2009
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It’s a battle of aging—I mean “aged”–pitchers tonight in Game 6 of the World Series.

Andy “Old Balls” Pettitte will wheel his way up to the mound and be the first player in Major League history to pitch from a wheelchair, while Pedro “Pampers” Martinez will pitch standing up, but will have aid from a colostomy bag to avoid trips to the bathroom in-between innings.

In other words, I hope you have some good shows DVR’d, because you sure as shit will be bored watchin’ this one!


A Hockey Halloween: Racists and Hotties

November 4, 2009
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Girl on the Right? Yes, Please.

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Patrick Kane (right) debuting his 2nd brilliant PR move of the year.

Yahoo! Sports has some funny/racist/hot pictures of Halloween costumes  that were all related to the NHL in one way or another.

The first picture comes from a St. Louis Blues game, and I want to thank the brunette on the right for attending.  My newly soiled keyboard and monitor will never think of me the same as a result of your excellent fashion sense.

 
The second picture are a couple Blackhawks players, Adam Burish and Patrick Kane.  Kane, as we all know from this summer, helped assault a cabbie in his hometown with his hick cousin.  I guess he thought it’d be smart to top it off by painting himself black and dressing as Scottie Pippen for Halloween.

I don’t necessarily condemn Kane for this as it’s all in good fun, but it just shows how much of a dumbass he is for doing it after the incidents that haunted him no more than 6 months ago.  The media is very sensitive, and therefore, he himself shouldn’t have done it.

One more thing, if Dustin Byfuglien, a black teammate of Kane’s, dressed up in whiteface as Luc Longley  or something and joined in with Kane, then this all would have been seen as universally funny by the media. 

Now here’s another hot broad:


This Makes The Syracuse Football Team Look Like World Beaters

November 4, 2009
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LeMoyne Stuns Syracuse

So when I first read the headline this morning that Lemoyne had upset Syracuse, I first thought the football team played on a Tuesday and lost to a one-man team, a guy named LeMoyne. 

Apparently, I was wrong.  It was the no. 25 Syracuse Orangemen’s basketball team that lost to a small school named LeMoyne.  Even more embarassing for the “Cuse, who is predominantly known as a basketball school.

Congrats to LeMoyne, an actual school, not a person.


Holy Sh*t: The Saints are Good

November 3, 2009

Saint Pierre ThomasIn case you didn’t know yet, the Saint are pretty good this year, and they most recently proved that again last night by beating the Falcons on Monday Night Football.

They get turnovers and turn them into touchdowns, have weapons all over the field, and are led by the NFL’s best quarterback, St. Andrew Brees.

Their have no real weaknesses.  I mean, some teams wear light pants so if a player soiled himself, we’d all know.  The Saints even have that covered by wearing the all-black pants every week.  Nice job.