Peter King Loves Brett’s Throbbing Groin…Vikings Win

November 2, 2009

articleLargeSo Peter King, as we all know by now, is pretty gay for quarterbacks.  He wants to fellate Tom Brady on national television, I saw him make the offer so I am NOT making that up.  It looks like now he wants a piece of Brett Favre too.

King, who’s journalism is second-to-none in terms of gayness, comments on Favre’s groin after his 38-26 victory against his old team in Lambeau Field:

“It’s throbbing right now.”

Wow, thanks Peter.  Is that first-hand knowledge?  Did you personally get your hands on Brett’s throbbing groin?  Let’s hope not.

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Double You Tee Eff: UNC shocks Virginia Tech

October 30, 2009

There was a College Football game last night, and it was an ACC game, and baseball was on, and that show “FlashForward,” so none of you probably even knew it happened.  Well, what happened was an upset!  You missed a fuckin’ upset because you were watching “FlashForward” you nerd!  You should have turned on ESPN, where College Football lives!

The Tar Heels (5-4, 1-3 Atlantic Coast Conference) got their first conference win after forcing a fumble by Ryan Williams at his own 24 with 2:02 left and turning it into the winning drive.

The Hokies (5-3, 3-2), who until losing to No. 11 Georgia Tech 12 days ago were in the national championship picture, lost their second straight.

So yeah, you missed that.  You just HAD to watch “FlashForward,” didn’t you.  The entire world blacked out and saw their future!  When I black out, I see nothing, because I do it right.  And when I wake up, it’s usually in an alley and I don’t know where I am or how I got there, so it’s kind of like time travelling.  So there ya go, binge drinking = time traveling.  Remember that, kids.


If Anyone Knows Sexy, It’s Marissa Miller

October 30, 2009
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Sexy (left) and Rose (right)

So I’ll go ahead and take her word for it after awarding Bulls guard Derrick Rose with the title of being one of Chicago’s sexiest athletes.

Sure, whatever, Derrick Rose is sexy.  I don’t care.  I personally like Derrick Rose as a player so good for him.  He got to meet Marissa Miller, which is something I only do at 1 a.m. when I’m drunk surfing google images (safesearch: Off.)  I’m just glad that Jar Jar Binks lookin’ idiot Joakim Noah didn’t get this award. 

Now for some more Marissa Miller.

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College Football Top 25 Overview for Oct. 31st

October 29, 2009
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Your faces? Not on my site ladies!

I figured it would be good to keep all my loyal followers updated on what all the relevant teams in College Football are doing this week.  It’s that time of year when so much is going on, between Halloween, the World Series, College Basketball and the NBA starting up and the weather getting shitty thereby causing severe depression, forcing you to lock yourself in a darkened room and masturbate to POV porn all day…kids can tend to get distracted and forget about whats going on in ol’ College Football. 

It looks like only two decent games are going on…Georgia-Florida and Texas-Oklahoma State (sans Dez “Rangs ‘n Thangs” Bryant.)

See?  I’m here to help.  Now add me to your favorites list.

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World's Largest Cocktail Party


Hottest Italian Soccer WAGs? Sure, Why Not. I’ll Post It.

October 29, 2009
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Some Hot "WAG," whatever that means.

So I’m gonna go ahead post a link to the 13 Hottest Italian Soccer WAGs.  Why did they rank 13 of them?  Are there only 13 hot ones?  What the fuck does WAG stand for?  I know it means they bang soccer players in exchange for fame and money, but what does it actually stand for? 

Ah, don’t bother telling me, I don’t actually care.  I’m just happy these sassy little whores exist.


Hurray! An Excuse to Post Something On Minka Kelly

October 29, 2009
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Honk Honk!

So Minka Kelly’s best friend is Derek Jeter, they totally AREN’T banging or anything, because she wants to bang me really really bad and would never do anything to jeopardize that.  She did, however, show up to Derek’s World Series game in support of her totally platonic pal.  Yep, just friends.

Oh, and that washed up squinty-eyed whore Kate Hudson was there too.  She’s givin’ out handjobs to Yankees like it’s going out of style.

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"This is my handjob face!"


NCAA BB Top 25…What a Difference a Sleaze Makes

October 29, 2009

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College Basketball is about to start, meaning it must be time for old farts to guess what every team’s gonna do before they play a game in order to generate a buzz before the season begins.  The new poll is out here

Not surprisingly, John Calipari and his magical snake oil has managed the improve his new team, the historical powerhouse Kentucky Wildcats, from NIT failures to #5 in the country.

As much as this guy reeks of douchebaggery, scum and pure woppery, he’s damn good at what he does.   Kentucky will be back, and as an Indiana fan, that kinda sucks.  Here’s your Pre-Season Top 5:

1) Kansas

2) Michigan State

3) Texas

4) UNC

5) Kentucky