Reggie Bush, Kim Kardashian and Her Big Boobs are House Hunting

November 5, 2009

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In more news that is sure to annoy you more than inform you, Kim Kardashian and her giant breasts are house-hunting along with their boyfriend Reggie Bush, who tries to play football for the New Orleans Saints.

Inside sources tell me they are looking for a place that will match their collective talents, restricting their search to Compton, Harlem, Topeka Kansas and Afghanistan.

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How to Describe “Mediocrity,” In a Picture

October 29, 2009

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No story here, just your average Hollywood whore thinking she’s the bee’s knees.

Honestly, I just wanted to say “she’s the bee’s knees.”  That was the purpose of this post.


Halloween Costumes that I Anticipate Seeing Way Too Many Of: 2009 Edition

October 29, 2009

1) Billy Mays.  This over-the-top power-seller died young…but he died doing what he truly loved…cocaine and oxy-contin.

2) Alan Garner, from “The Hangover.”  Easy to pull off.  Grow a beard, wear tight jeans and a tight indie shirt and quote movie lines all night, because you aren’t actually funny yourself.  😦

3) This dumb bitch.  We all know who she is, and I am refusing to mention her by name on my site.  I may slap a girl wearing that hairdo.  Not creative, not funny, just fucking lame. 

 

4) You just know some dork is going to try and pull this one off.  Hot Girl upon seing this costume: “Wow, you obviously majored in Engineering!  I’m impressed, but I’m not going to sleep with you.   That guy dressed up as  a fireman is wayyyy hotter!”

Sigh….


Hulk Hogan Signs with Tits ‘N Ass Rasslin’

October 28, 2009

hogan tnaThe Hulkster himself, he who recently released a book saying he nearly committed suicide after an impending divorce with his wife, has decided to settle with career suicide instead by signing with TNA Wrestling:

Just kidding about the career suicide.  That already happened when he spray-painted his face black but left the mustache blonde on WCW in the 90’s. 

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Raw Intimidation, Brother!

 


Jessica Simpson is a Leper

October 28, 2009
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Oh My God what the Hell is That?

 Well, that’s what I first thought when I saw that thing she got on her hand:

Her spokesperson said: ‘The intricate mehendi designs are typically Indian, and made with a turmeric paste.

‘They’re worn at wedding ceremonies, and are supposed to bring good luck to eligible single women in India.

‘It’s a big style statement too. The really intricate designs take hours to apply by hand using just a brush, the artists are very skilled.’ 

Oh, so it’s not permanent…phew.  I was about to scratch off “getting a lefty handjob from Jessica Simpson” from my “Things to do Before I Die” list.  

Don’t think for a minute Simpson is showing intelligence and respect for Indian culture by getting this on her hand.  The tattoo is supposed to “bring good luck to eligible single women,”  so this really just reveals she’s a superstitious, lonely, almost thirty moron from Texas. 


ESPN Suspends Old Racist Guy

October 27, 2009

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So ESPN is really busy today apparently.  First, they fire horndog Steve Phillips for porking that fatty Brooke Hundley, and second, they suspend ol’ Bob Griese for this

During ESPN’s broadcast of the Minnesota-Ohio State game Saturday, a graphic was shown listing the top five drivers in NASCAR’s points race. Fellow analyst Chris Spielman asked where was Montoya, who is Colombian.

Griese replied he was “out having a taco.”

So ESPN suspends Griese for being a racist, which is pretty much a slap on the wrist considering it’s only for a week, but they fire Steve Phillips for cheating on his wife?  Makes sense for a company owned by Disney. 

That Mickey Mouse is one racist son-of-a-bitch.  But he’s a faithful son of a bitch, because he knows Minnie would chop his little balls off at the first chance she got.


Joe Francis Killed Somebody!

October 27, 2009

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Just kidding.  But he almost did, the crazy bastard!

That’s all I am willing to write about this douche.