November 4, 2009
It’s a battle of aging—I mean “aged”–pitchers tonight in Game 6 of the World Series.
Andy “Old Balls” Pettitte will wheel his way up to the mound and be the first player in Major League history to pitch from a wheelchair, while Pedro “Pampers” Martinez will pitch standing up, but will have aid from a colostomy bag to avoid trips to the bathroom in-between innings.
In other words, I hope you have some good shows DVR’d, because you sure as shit will be bored watchin’ this one!
October 29, 2009
"Well, that sure was boring."
Cliff Lee and the Phillies took Game 1 in a dominant fashion, much like the way Hitler and the Nazis steamrolled through Europe way back when. The Phillies, however, aren’t going to win this series, and I’ll tell you why.
The Phils won’t win this series because I just compared them to Nazis, and we all know the downfall of the Nazis came once the Americans started fighting. Yankees and Americans are similar enough for me to compare them to eachother, therefore Game 1 symbolizes the Americans initially underestimating the Nazis.
I anticipate the Yankees (Americans) to come back very angry in Game 2. Their troops will re-group, they will assemble mass amounts of tanks and guns and swords and spears, maybe even poison darts, and use them to fight back against the evil Nazis.
Oh wait. The Yankees are inherently evil. So they’re Nazis too now that I think about it. I’m changing my prediction. Japs in 3.
October 28, 2009
Game 1: Tonight on FOX, 8 p.m. ET
Hey, the World Series starts tonight! Philadelphia and New York go toe-to-toe to determine which city has the bigger assholes.
I can’t wait to hear about the fights that break out in the stands during this series. “Ey, ya muddafuck, you talkin’ shit about Jetuh!? Go chuv a cheesestake* up ya ass!”
Tonight’s game looks good as former teammates and current friends, Cliff Lee and C.C. SaFAThia (hehehe), take the mound. I’m thinking the Yankees take Game 1, but the series looks promising as we finally have the two best teams from each league representing.
*I am aware I mis-spelled “cheesesteak,” I just wanted to add authenticity to my insult, because I am only assuming New Yorkers are idiots and spell it “cheesestake.”