Aw Crap, The Yankees Won

November 5, 2009


The Yankees phinally phinished oph the Phillies last night, much to the dismay of the entire world’s population, except for those few with “Pompadour” hairstyles.


Really Old Guys To Star In World Series Game 6

November 4, 2009
old people

It’s a battle of aging—I mean “aged”–pitchers tonight in Game 6 of the World Series.

Andy “Old Balls” Pettitte will wheel his way up to the mound and be the first player in Major League history to pitch from a wheelchair, while Pedro “Pampers” Martinez will pitch standing up, but will have aid from a colostomy bag to avoid trips to the bathroom in-between innings.

In other words, I hope you have some good shows DVR’d, because you sure as shit will be bored watchin’ this one!

Hurray! An Excuse to Post Something On Minka Kelly

October 29, 2009

Honk Honk!

So Minka Kelly’s best friend is Derek Jeter, they totally AREN’T banging or anything, because she wants to bang me really really bad and would never do anything to jeopardize that.  She did, however, show up to Derek’s World Series game in support of her totally platonic pal.  Yep, just friends.

Oh, and that washed up squinty-eyed whore Kate Hudson was there too.  She’s givin’ out handjobs to Yankees like it’s going out of style.


"This is my handjob face!"

Cliff Lee Casually Dismantles the Yankees with the Cold, Ruthless Heart of a Nazi

October 29, 2009

"Well, that sure was boring."

Cliff Lee and the Phillies took Game 1 in a dominant fashion, much like the way Hitler and the Nazis steamrolled through Europe way back when.  The Phillies, however, aren’t going to win this series, and I’ll tell you why.

The Phils won’t win this series because I just compared them to Nazis, and we all know the downfall of the Nazis came once the Americans started fighting.  Yankees and Americans are similar enough for me to compare them to eachother, therefore Game 1 symbolizes the Americans initially underestimating the Nazis. 

I anticipate the Yankees (Americans) to come back very angry in Game 2.  Their troops will re-group, they will assemble mass amounts of tanks and guns and swords and spears, maybe even poison darts, and use them to fight back against the evil Nazis.

Oh wait.  The Yankees are inherently evil.  So they’re Nazis too now that I think about it.  I’m changing my prediction.  Japs in 3.

Oh…The World Series Starts…Tonight?

October 28, 2009
world series

Game 1: Tonight on FOX, 8 p.m. ET

Hey, the World Series starts tonight!  Philadelphia and New York go toe-to-toe to determine which city has the bigger assholes. 

I can’t wait to hear about the fights that break out in the stands during this series. “Ey, ya muddafuck, you talkin’ shit about Jetuh!? Go chuv a cheesestake* up ya ass!”

Tonight’s game looks good as former teammates and current friends, Cliff Lee and C.C. SaFAThia (hehehe), take the mound.   I’m thinking the Yankees take Game 1, but the series looks promising as we finally have the two best teams from each league representing. 

*I am aware I mis-spelled “cheesesteak,”  I just wanted to add authenticity to my insult, because I am only assuming New Yorkers are idiots and spell it “cheesestake.”