Aw Crap, The Yankees Won

November 5, 2009


The Yankees phinally phinished oph the Phillies last night, much to the dismay of the entire world’s population, except for those few with “Pompadour” hairstyles.


Really Old Guys To Star In World Series Game 6

November 4, 2009
old people

It’s a battle of aging—I mean “aged”–pitchers tonight in Game 6 of the World Series.

Andy “Old Balls” Pettitte will wheel his way up to the mound and be the first player in Major League history to pitch from a wheelchair, while Pedro “Pampers” Martinez will pitch standing up, but will have aid from a colostomy bag to avoid trips to the bathroom in-between innings.

In other words, I hope you have some good shows DVR’d, because you sure as shit will be bored watchin’ this one!

Cliff Lee Casually Dismantles the Yankees with the Cold, Ruthless Heart of a Nazi

October 29, 2009

"Well, that sure was boring."

Cliff Lee and the Phillies took Game 1 in a dominant fashion, much like the way Hitler and the Nazis steamrolled through Europe way back when.  The Phillies, however, aren’t going to win this series, and I’ll tell you why.

The Phils won’t win this series because I just compared them to Nazis, and we all know the downfall of the Nazis came once the Americans started fighting.  Yankees and Americans are similar enough for me to compare them to eachother, therefore Game 1 symbolizes the Americans initially underestimating the Nazis. 

I anticipate the Yankees (Americans) to come back very angry in Game 2.  Their troops will re-group, they will assemble mass amounts of tanks and guns and swords and spears, maybe even poison darts, and use them to fight back against the evil Nazis.

Oh wait.  The Yankees are inherently evil.  So they’re Nazis too now that I think about it.  I’m changing my prediction.  Japs in 3.